Unique ways to connect: The importance of finding different ways to sustain your connection. If you are reading this, you are probably in a relationship and are struggling with finding unique ways to connect with each other. You probably struggle at times with the difficulty of sustaining a genuine spark year after year. You may be frustrated with trying to find unique date night ideas, or struggle with coming up with new content to chat about over dinner. Maybe you and your partner feel so disconnected that you are contemplating if the spark is even possible to come back.
The “spark” is complex; it involves sexual chemistry, intellectual connection, emotional sensitivity, fun and spontaneity, friendship, companionship, etc, etc. When the spark starts to fizzle, it’s normal for us to feel scared, frustrated and even discouraged. We expect a lot of our partner/relationship and sometimes we can get overwhelmed when we aren’t feeling close.
Sometimes we expect our relationship’s spark and connection to sustain in the same way it developed when we first started dating. Of course, it would be ideal to have the honeymoon stage sustain throughout our entire relationship; but the reality is, that doesn’t exist. Nothing is permanent, but change. We have to detach from the expectation that “happiness” should be easy, or that our relationships shouldn’t require work when the spark starts to fizzle. Our spark is similar to a real flame. It burns out and needs to be reignited once in a while.
5 Important Reasons to Find Unique Ways to Connect with Your Partner:
1: It revives your relationship on all levels.
Why is this important? Long term relationships get bored or stagnate easily. It’s common to get stuck in the day-to-day stressors and pressures, that we often forget to nurture our relationship in the same way we used to when we were first getting to know each other. Finding unique ways to connect can help you both get inspired to flirt, let go of day-to-day pressures and give yourselves permission to prioritize your relationship. Here’s a tip: Make it a priority to commit to one day per week and/or one hour daily that there are no external interruptions. Not even television. Make it a point to cook dinner together while you chat, listen to music, sip on wine. Go for a walk in a random neighborhood and make note of the houses and scenery. This can also be as simple as eating a meal together without your phones!
2: It helps you fall in love all over again.
Falling in love is something we often grieve when we are in a long term relationship. We often miss the butterflies, the mystery and overall experience of learning about another person and merging our lives together. “Falling in love” was such a beautiful time in your relationship! When you find unique ways to connect, you may not even realize that this can promote the same chemical reaction (oxytocin, i.e. “the love hormone”) and can also help you feel similarly to when you initially started falling in love. Why is this important? It solidifies our bond, helps us feel reconnected and rejuvenates our overall relationship. Here’s a tip: tell each other three things daily that you are grateful for that your partner did, does, is, etc. Verbally affirming to each other the things you appreciate allow your partner to feel validated and appreciated, which helps both of you get out of the rut of taking advantage of each other.
3: It gives you permission to be vulnerable with each other.
You may not even realize this, but regardless of how long you have been together, you are still working on building safety and vulnerability in your relationship. Maybe the initial vulnerable hurdle was saying you loved each other; then it maybe lead to an occasional toot in bed; then the vulnerability got really heavy when one of you experienced a loss of a job or a family member. We are constantly growing and changing; life is constantly moving. Each new day, month and year activates new challenges and new experiences. Vulnerability is the key to any successful relationship and when we exercise our vulnerable selves within the relationship, we are actually building more and more trust within each other. This is incredibly bonding and important to continue to nurture throughout your relationship. Here’s a tip: Do something once a month, once a quarter or season that scares you or is something you have never done before. This can be an activity that you do together (sky diving, improv comedy, karaoke, sex shop); this can also be a difficult conversation (about intimacy, sex, etc). Try to continue to push yourselves to strengthen vulnerability.
4: It forces you both the learn more about each other.
You may think you know everything about each other, but that assumption is because you got lazy and forgot to keep exploring. Your partner is constantly evolving and there is something about them that you probably don’t really know, understand and/or spend a lot of time being curious about. Learning more about each other helps you both continue to be curious. Curiosity is sexy and builds desire! Here’s a tip: Go to counseling even though you may not be “fighting” or “in a bad place” and have the therapist prompt questions for both of you to process and explore together. Counseling does not have to be a place only intended to “fix” your relationship; in fact, it can be a safe place for both of you to enhance your relationship and prevent future issues.
5: It reinforces the reason(s) you fell in love in the first place.
Let’s face it, we naturally take life and our relationships for granted from time to time. We lose sight of what’s really important and meaningful. We often forget the reasons why we choose our person and often fall into the trap of comparisons or doubt when our relationship isn’t going as smoothy as we hope. Here’s a tip: Reminisce about your “firsts,” go to the place you had your first vacation, date, adventure. Verbalize to each other how you felt when you both fell in “like” and in love with each other. Another idea, try check out The Modern Love Box that offers communication activities and luxury promotes to inspire and enhance connection.